Should I Forgive An Unrepentant Person?
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Romans 12:17
After my recent sermon on forgiveness, the question was posed to me, “Do we only forgive after someone has repented?” In fact, Jesus himself seems to say as much in Luke 17:43: “if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him”. So, what is our responsibility to forgive when someone refuses to resolve a particular conflict or acknowledge a specific offense? Are we still held responsible by God to forgive that person?
When an offense has been committed, the fullest expression of forgiveness occurs when there is repentance and ensuing forgiveness. However, in instances where the offender does not repent, we must still do our part to forgive. Though full restoration may not be possible, we can still choose to forgive by resisting the temptation to be bitter or hold a grudge against the offender. Biblical examples of this include Jesus’ command to love and pray for our enemies (Luke 6:28) and also Jesus’ demonstration of this while on the cross (Luke 23:34).
So what does it look like to choose forgiveness when repentance is not present? First, it means that we fully acknowledge the pain and hurt that the offense has caused within us. We are not meant to bury and deny feelings of anger, betrayal, or disappointment. Second, we commit to continually bring these feelings before the Lord (the psalms can be a great guide for us in this). Third, we seek godly counsel for direction and guidance in navigating the relationship going forward, which seems to be in keeping with the idea of “taking one or two others along with you” in Matthew 18:16. As we commit to these steps, we do our part in choosing the path of forgiveness and seeking to “live peaceably with all.”
A final note: please feel free to always ask me any follow-up questions you may have about any of my sermons. It’s a joy to discuss and learn from God’s Word together!
Ben
Monthly Book Recommendation
For an extended treatment of forgiveness and conflict resolution in personal relationships, check out the following resources
“The Peacemaker”
book by Ken Sande
"Lessons on Forgiveness"
article by Tim Challies