Digging Deeper

Messy Marriage, Part 4 - SERMON NOTES

Messy Marriage, Part 4 | Listen to Sermon Audio

Messy Marriage, Part 4 - SERMON NOTES

Below are Pastor Ben's sermon notes from this past Sunday, in case they may be helpful for further study. To listen to the sermon, click the link above.

Intro: (1) series recap (2) practical wrap-up thoughts

Truth and marriage: (1) Eph. 4:15 (2) marriage the “closest and most inescapable of all relationships” —forced to deal with flaws and sins (3) examples — fearful, inflexible, undisciplined, perfectionist, critical, people-pleaser, needy, independent, sarcastic (4) what is minor to others is major to spouse (5) responses — accept, acknowledge our own, view as impermanent (cf. Rom. 7), willingness to help each other

Love and marriage: (1) Eph. 4:15 (2) transitioning from being in love to learning to love (3) spouses have greatest power for “reprogramming” how we see ourselves (4) different “love currencies” the sources of some conflict (cf. socks for birthday) (5) examples — affection, friendship (i.e. quality time), service, alone time (6) exemplified in incarnation

Sex and marriage: (1) Eph. 5:31 (2) modern view — form of self-expression by which we are “true to ourselves” (2) Bible  gift given for marriage between one man and one woman — intended to be enjoyed, serves as unifying tool of commitment (3) only works when rest of marriage is healthy (4) practical considerations — giving vs. getting, need for communication, intended to be present but will ebb and flow

Singleness and marriage: (1) 1 Cor. 7:29-31 — both marriage/singleness good (cf. Jesus, Paul) (2) common misconceptions — “as soon as you’re satisfied . . .”, “too picky”, “singles can commit wholeheartedly”, “must become wonderful to marry somebody wonderful” (3) practical thoughts —non-seeking seasons, singleness as “gift”, cultivate friendships that keep attractions accountable/feelings expressed, faux spouse

Ten practical categories: (1) lifestyle expectations (2) friends/hobbies (3) personality (4) personal struggles (5) communication (6) decision-making (7) spiritual practices (8) extended family (9) sex (10) money (11) identifying strengths and weaknesses in each (12) me and Anna Grace at the pizza place at the beach

Conclusion: praying with each other

 

Messy Marriage, Part 2 - SERMON NOTES

Messy Marriage, Part 2 | Listen to Sermon Audio

Messy Marriage, Part 2 - SERMON NOTES

Below are Pastor Ben's sermon notes from this past Sunday, in case they may be helpful for further study. To listen to the sermon, click the link above.

Intro: (1) series recap (2) Good Wife's Guide from 1965

The command of submission (22)

1. Husbands: (1) wives commanded to submit to husbands — no reciprocal command to husbands, (2) recognition of unique role of servant leadership given to husbands (3) what submission is NOT — all women to all men, reduction of value for women, agreeing on everything, following into sin, fear/subservience (4) exhortation for husbands to not be passive (i.e. “let’s . . .) (5) role of church

2. God: (1) submission to husbands connected to submission to God — recognition of God’s establishment of earthly authority structures (2) husbands also subject to God, and even Christ is functionally (cf. 1 Cor. 15:28) (3) does NOT mean husbands = God (4) though submission has been sinfully abused, it is God’s idea and should not be flippantly dismissed (cf. Jeremiah 36)

The reason for submission (23)

1. Husbands and wives: (1) head = authority (cf. 1:22, 4:15) (2) this appears to be inherent in creation, not a result of the fall (cf. 1 Cor. 11:8-9, 1 Tim. 2:13-14) (3) instructions to husbands make it clear that this authority is to be grounded in servant leadership and sacrificial love (cf. Mark 10:45, Luke 22:26) (4) this is not to be equated to traditional/cultural roles of husbands and wives

2. Christ and the church: (1) understanding of headship grounded in Christ and the church — redemption in addition to creation (2) reference to Christ as “Savior” — the means by which both men and women are restored (cf. 2:1-3, 5:25, Gal. 3:28) (3) headship = care not control, responsibility not rule (cf. Mt. 11:28-29) (4) greater responsibility given to husband (cf. 1 Peter 3:7)

The nature of submission (24)

1. The church and Christ: (1) model of submission is intended to be the church to Christ (2) earlier references — gratitude (1:22), stability (2:20-21), experience of love (3:17-19), undeserved grace (4:7), caring leadership (4:11-12), spiritual growth (4:15), changed heart/life (4:22-24, 31-32) (3) rejection vs. reception of God’s authority (cf. Nebuchadnezzar in Dan. 4:28-37)

2. Wives and husbands: (1) “in everything” does not mean unconditional subservient acquiescence but rather suggests a unified approach to life (cf. finances) (2) “in everything” intended to be understood within above-mentioned character/work of Christ (3) cases where husband is domineering or not leading, or wife not submitting — look at yourself, use the elders

Conclusion: Kids and Lunchroom Lady— teacher = Christ bringing husband/wife together

 

Messy Marriage, Part 1 - SERMON NOTES

Messy Marriage, Part 1 | Listen to Sermon Audio

Messy Marriage, Part 1 - SERMON NOTES

Below are Pastor Ben's sermon notes from this past Sunday, in case they may be helpful for further study. To listen to the sermon, click the link above.

Intro: (1) Keller book (2) cupidoscope

The Foundation of Marriage (5:25) — the gospel: (1) decline of marriage — divorce rate, births to married couples, percentage of population married (2) shift from “permanent union of mutual love to temporary sexual contract designed for immediate gratification”, idea of a “soul mate” who is fully put together and lets me “be myself” — no two people are compatible (3) over-idealism — wanting too much out of a marriage partner (i.e. turning them into God) (4) marriage not the problem, problem is that we underestimate sin’s effect on marriage (5) best place to start understanding marriage is by looking at Christ (6) living toward our spouse as Christ has lived toward us — must first receive what Christ has done for us

The Enemy of Marriage (5:21) — self-centeredness: (1) submission connected to the Holy Spirit — marriage intended to be approached by those already fulfilled in the Lord (2) if Christ, not my expectations of my spouse, is the foundation of my joy, then I become free to set my spouse’s interests ahead of my own (3) often hard to see our self-centeredness because we have been wounded by others in the past — wounds are healed by Jesus, not increased self-centeredness (4) ”reverence for Christ” = “fear of the Lord” — as we bring our wounds to Jesus, we grow in amazement of his grace and mercy — only way to break free from self-centeredness (5) application to singleness

The Covenant of Marriage (5:25-28, 31)— love: (1) two cultural messages — romantic love the highest level of fulfillment but not sustainable (2) love is primarily committed service, not emotional desire (cf. v.25) (3) marriage is covenant-based, not consumer-based (cf. living together) (4) wedding vows — “not a declaration of present love but a promise of future love” (AG taking me to emergency room) (5) you don’t fully love someone when you get married because you don’t yet deeply know them (cf. trip with Chad/Mallie) (6) society conditions us to love love, rather than love a person (7) v.31 — love not based on the “lovability” of our spouse at any given moment — Christ’s love for us in his death on our behalf

The Goal of Marriage (5:25-27) — preparation for eternity: (1) woman given to man for companionship (i.e. friendship) (2) foundation of Christian friendship is transparency and constancy — add romantic love to this and marriage can be greatest experience of Christian friendship (cf. Prov. 2:17) (3) Christ’s goal for his bride, as well as all husbands’ goal is to sanctify, make beautiful and radiant and holy (4) marriage is ultimately to help us become our future selves — requires a willingness to see each other for who we are becoming in Christ (5) one deterrent is not truly “leaving and cleaving” — placing other things as first priority (i.e. hobbies, work, extended family, children, etc.)

Conclusion: dog who ate passport before destination wedding

God's Messy Plan, Part 3: An Intro to Ephesians 5:21-6:9

Below are Pastor Ben's sermon notes from this past Sunday, in case they may be helpful for further study. To listen to the sermon, click the link above.

Intro: (1) overview of past two sermon series (2) themes around spiritual birth in ch.1-3 (3) themes around spiritual growth in ch.4:1-5:21 (4) the third big section (5:21-6:9) applies these truths to real world relational contexts (5) big three of marriage, parenting, work — define/frame each of these (6) address who are not married, don’t have kids, and/or don’t “work”

Embracing Reality (5:15): (1) each of these areas come under the heading “look carefully then how you walk”  followed by reference to wisdom (cf. Proverbs) (2) wisdom also connected to being “filled with the Spirit” (cf. 1:17) — what does wisdom (i.e. being filled with the Spirit) look like in marriage, parenting, and work? (3) Proverbs verses — 5:18, 21:9, 22:6, 29:15, 14:4, 14:35 (4) v.17  wisdom is understanding “what the will of the Lord is” — applying this to marriage, parenting, and work

Embracing Humility (5:21a): (1) “submitting” connected to “be filled” — a general sense of living humbly toward one another (2) “to be arranged under” (cf. military, sports team) — not a “value” word or connected to oppression (3) app to marriage, parenting, work (cf. church, government) (4) “reverence for Christ” — other NT usages point to day of judgment (5) danger of rejecting authority — traffic laws (6) rejecting the world’s dismissal of authority, accepting God’s authority and earthly manifestations of it

Embracing Messy (5:16): (1) these three categories ground us in the reality of normal everyday life (2) importance of embracing place — Ezekiel 1-2, Jonah, John 1:14 (3) temptation to sensationalize Christianity — camps/conferences, Eph. 1:1-4 vs. Eph. 5:21-6:9 (cf. Mrs. Jellyby) (4) premarital counseling categories —lifestyle expectations, friends/hobbies, personality, personal struggles, communication, decision-making, spiritual practices, extended family, sex, money (5) is in these that m/p/w gets messy

Embracing Mutuality (5:21b): (1) spiritual growth can’t happen in isolation (cf. “one another’s”) —group projects in school (2) what prevents us from reducing others is “reverence for Christ” (cf. Genesis 1:27) — otherwise we reduce others (4) old man, nagging wife, ankle-biter, boss — words without intimacy (cf. relationship of body parts in 4:15-16) (5) “I-It” (objectifying — technology) vs. “Us vs. Them” (competition —politics) vs. “I-You” (relationship — m/p/w) (6) church teaches us how to redeem relationships

Conclusion: prayer exercise

Foundations: Elders - SERMON NOTES

Foundations: Elders | Listen to Sermon Audio

Foundations: Elders - SERMON NOTES

Below are Pastor Ben's sermon notes from this past Sunday, in case they may be helpful for further study. To listen to the sermon, click the link above.

Intro: (1) series finale (2) elder-led church — selection process, qualifications (3) duties — meetings, SGL oversight, communion, counsel/prayer (4) current team — Tim T., TW at some (5) importance of elders being spiritual leaders (6) two inserts in worship guide — membership responsibilities

Three Characteristics (Mark 10:35-45) — read v. 35-41

  1. A countercultural humility (v.42): (1) realities of kingship (cf. 1 Samuel 8:11-17, election year (2) who comes to mind with regard to humility? (3) where do you struggle to be humble? (4) Scott

  2. A servant heart (v.43-44): (1) washing feet (cf. John 13:14-15) (2) true spiritual authority happens through service (3) beware those who want to “be in charge” (4) moms with young kids

  3. A sacrificial life (v.45): (1) must be a person who evidences deep appreciation for grace (2) must also be one who lives sacrificially (3) 2 COr. 11:28 — gray beard, carrying burdens of others

Elder Interview

  1. How would you describe your experience as an elder these last three years?

  2. What has brought you the most joy as an elder? what has been a difficulty of being an elder?

  3. What do you most appreciate about our church family?

  4. What counsel would you give the church family as we enter into elder identification?

  5. Would each of you close this time by praying for our congregation?

 
Conclusion: (1) Grady — practical wisdom, ministry to Anna Grace, exegete of the congregation (2) Scott — great macro shepherd, makes me open up about myself, navigating new job (3) inserts in worship guide